still more

air rushes in
and for the hint of a moment
i am full
i am filled
until
the flutter of
adrenaline kicks
and just as quickly
the air escapes

the salty droplets
seem to halt
at my lashes
because i can’t bring myself to
let go

there is a weight
so heavy on my chest
as the rhythm repeats:

in, full
panic, out

because i know
deep down i know
there is still more to process
still more pain
still more lies to dismantle
still more truth to unfold

this is me
i am strong
i am confident
i am whole
i am known
and named.
it isn’t a lie

yet
words
and memories
still swirling around
still stuck in my heart

words
and memories
like bricks and mortar
keeping this wall
impenetrable

but why?
my biggest question is
why?

why is love still the issue?
why have i gotten so good at portraying an image
no matter how true
that it is the only thing even i can see?

why don’t i believe it?

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Filed under creativity expressed, relationships

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